Stressful wedding planning is usually made more stressful when a difficult mother-in-law is involved. Does she want you to have a traditional church wedding when you want a wedding on the beach? Or maybe she insists on going to your bachelorette party. You’ll probably be dealing with your difficult mother-in-law for the rest of her life, so learning to address or cope with these issues is important.
Be Honest With Your Fiancé
You might think that telling your fiancé about how you’re feeling will make you come off as too sensitive. In fact, communicating with them can actually help a lot in this situation. The two of you need to become a team, and discussing your mother-in-law is a way to start. Encourage your fiancé to talk with their mother and make sure that she knows that you’re grateful for her involvement. Let her know that her celebrating you two as a couple is what’s important to you.
Remember that her child is her “baby” and this is still a huge milestone for her. Letting her know that she’s important in the relationship but that she should just be celebrating the two of your together can help ease some tension. This will help her recognize that the day is about you as a couple while still valuing her feelings.
Understand Her Emotions
For your mother-in-law, her child’s wedding is probably something she’s thought about since their birth. As the big day comes closer and closer, she will probably be feeling more anxious and stressed. She may even be dealing with feeling like she’s being abandoned a little bit. She may be thinking that freaking out when plans change or bombarding you with ideas is the right thing to do. Be sure that you understand her emotions so you don’t get upset or offended when she’s becoming too involved.
Be Firm, But Still Include Her
Wedding planning can be tricky when parents are funding it. Even if your in-laws are funding your wedding, sit down with your fiancé and make a list on things that you will absolutely not compromise on. If the in-laws believe that they should have the final say, be prepared to fund those non-negotiables yourselves.
You can still include your mother-in-law in parts of the planning. Invite her to things like dress fittings and cake tastings. Just remember that it’s your big day and you get the final say.
Let Her Know When She’s Crossed A Line
Letting a difficult mother-in-law know when she’s crossed a line is awkward but necessary. To successfully pull this off, make sure that you talk to her in person to make sure that there are no misunderstandings. Start the conversation by thinking her for all her help. Then, explain why what she did is making things difficult. Be firm, but not angry or intimidating.
Remember that you and your fiancé are going to be building a life together. Part of why wedding planning is so stressful is because your wedding in the first day of you life-building. You and your fiancé need to be in control of your lives together.